chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize