She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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