I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
