yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
organizing the empties. That sober.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
