any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
