He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize