We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
