I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
