we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
