U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Non-Jews are for practice
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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