I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
