started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
