I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
