you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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