My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
