Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
