I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
barbara walters just said penis...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
