I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.