I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.