My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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