ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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