You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
