Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
