I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Life is so much better after having sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
