Got a toothbrush?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
