Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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