yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
