she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
