If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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