yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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