when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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