I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
