if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants