I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
