Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick

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  (631): i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick http://tfl.nu/rq3v
  Replies (20) Good night (1430) Bad night (1845)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.

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  (865): sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself. http://tfl.nu/7igx
  Replies (28) Good night (2851) Bad night (545)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.

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  (850): My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated. http://tfl.nu/7uws
  Replies (14) Good night (1144) Bad night (4426)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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  (214): You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle. http://tfl.nu/y634
  Replies (14) Good night (4252) Bad night (1163)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and who said we didn't have goals?

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  (219): my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus (317): and who said we didn't have goals? http://tfl.nu/piod
  Replies (12) Good night (3990) Bad night (903)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.

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  (253): I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore. http://tfl.nu/1haa
  Replies (15) Good night (1495) Bad night (3660)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist

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  (901): so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist http://tfl.nu/ofkb
  Replies (12) Good night (4983) Bad night (1035)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.

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  (603): The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people. http://tfl.nu/gh99
  Replies (9) Good night (1097) Bad night (2451)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough

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  (423): The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough http://tfl.nu/ewgw
  Replies (5) Good night (2405) Bad night (888)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.

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  (708): Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success. http://tfl.nu/6b9r
  Replies (12) Good night (2471) Bad night (800)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a liquor store near my therapist

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i might give it a shot.

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  (617): there's a liquor store near my therapist (617): i might give it a shot. http://tfl.nu/u2kn
  Replies (8) Good night (1764) Bad night (644)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

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  (281): I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car. http://tfl.nu/4osg
  Replies (8) Good night (524) Bad night (1578)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

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  (301): And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble http://tfl.nu/0x8g
  Replies (7) Good night (2329) Bad night (520)
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  (243): View more from

  We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.

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  (243): We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever. http://tfl.nu/yt9v
  Replies (4) Good night (1442) Bad night (590)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm gonna eat you out. But for science

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  (423): I'm gonna eat you out. But for science http://tfl.nu/34e6
  Replies (2) Good night (790) Bad night (166)

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