hotel room ftw
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.