omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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