got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize