How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
