two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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