just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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