she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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