i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
