i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
