Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
