well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
