i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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