i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
