Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
