Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is wine microwaveable?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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