Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
