i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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