He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
