We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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