Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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