Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
