Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
