What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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