This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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