I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize