y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
