@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
