sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
