Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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