is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
