It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
