Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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