I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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