i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
