just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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