"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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