yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just google imaged poop.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
