Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
