I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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