We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
