omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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