I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
